Have you seen the movie The Help? I just watched it last weekend and was inspired by so many parts of the movie. But the one that stood out to me the most was when Aibileen pulled the little girl aside and said “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” It’s so important to instill this in our children. The world is tough and cruel, so we all need to build up our little ones so they have some positive reinforcement to be able to take on the negativity that they will likely encounter from someone in their lives.
But you know what? It’s also important to instill confidence in ourselves. We never get too old to need reassurance and support and YOU is the best place to start. Tell yourself that you are kind, smart and important. Especially going through a divorce or after a divorce. Or even if you’re still debating if you should leave your spouse, we all need to rebuild ourselves from time to time. More likely than not, you were torn down and made to feel terrible about yourself in your marriage. Personally, I was emotionally and verbally abused for years before I even recognized it. One day, I looked up and realized I was a shell of the person I once was. I had no self-esteem left.
But for my ex, even though all I ever did was build him up and validate him (man did that get old….constant validation for him and nothing for me), he too had been torn down in our marriage. He lied and cheated his way into my life and then showed me his true self after we had a baby. Had he married someone who he could be himself with, he wouldn’t have transformed to be what he thought I wanted. But the bottom line was that he couldn’t man up and be a husband or father and it really did a number on his self-esteem as well. He didn’t feel like a man or a good person and who knows how he feels now but being in a marriage where you’re constantly reminded each day that you can’t step up and be a husband or father would break you. It’s important to be in a mutually beneficial relationship. If you find yourself defeated and beaten down, just remember, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” Don’t ever let anyone make you feel differently, especially your spouse/partner.
