Deciding to hire a lawyer is one of the biggest decisions you will make during a divorce. This one decision may determine how much your divorce costs and the overall outcome of the custody arrangement and marital assets.
There are disadvantages associated with hiring a lawyer, as well as choosing to represent yourself. I will first address the cons associated with hiring a lawyer. First, they can be very expensive. They charge anywhere from $200 to $500 per hour so over the course of 6 to 9 months, this adds up. Second, your case may not be their priority. Depending on additional cases they have going on at the same time, your case may take the backseat, which could hurt your chances in getting everything you want in the settlement. Third, some believe that hiring a lawyer will create a bigger rift between you and your estranged spouse. While I did not see this in my case, I have seen my friends experience this. Sometimes what you say to your lawyer is lost in translation. For example, you tell your lawyer something, they then meet with the opposing counsel to convey your viewpoint and then the opposing counsel translates that to your ex. By the time it reaches your ex, what you expressed has taken on an entirely different form. So it can be a bit like a game of telephone. I think as long as you and your ex communicate effectively, you can prevent this from becoming a huge issue.
There are also several disadvantages to representing yourself. First, law is complicated and if you’re unfamiliar with the process, you may not know what would be in your best interest or how to get what you want. Whereas, lawyers are trained. They spent 3 years in law school and have had years of experience dealing with real cases. They know the system, the steps that need to be taken, and what to expect. Second, if you’re unfamiliar with law, figuring everything out and filing your own documents may be very time-consuming so if you are already spread thin, you may be taking on too much. Third, because this is “your” divorce, it may be too close to home. If it is too personal, it may cloud your judgment, which could affect the overall outcome of your case. Fourth, if your estranged spouse hired a lawyer, you may be in over your head if you are representing yourself.
If you choose to do this on your own, you could end up spending just a few hundred dollars total, and I am envious. Because I hired a lawyer, I am not much help with how to handle this on your own. However, I can offer a couple of tips that I learned along the way.
- If you are required to complete the court-ordered co-parenting class that I mentioned in my previous post, ask the instructor if they can recommend a good mediator. These instructors are often familiar with local mediators and will likely be able to recommend someone who is very skilled in handling mediation in a healthy way.
- I also recommend that you find a good resource to help you with your divorce proceedings. For example, for your state, there should be a website that will, at the very least, list all forms and paperwork that you must file with the courts. Furthermore, many states will have instructions for filing a Dissolution of Marriage so search for these guidelines to help you. I looked up websites for several states and listed them below.
a. California: forms; guidelines
b. Colorado: forms; guidelines
c. Montana: link here
d. Utah: link here
e. New York: link here
f. Tennessee: link here
g. Texas: link here
I chose to hire a lawyer and I would probably do it again. MAYBE. I spent $20,000 on my lawyers alone, and another $3500 for my ex-husband’s first retainer fee. But I feel like I had to go the lawyer route for several reasons. First and foremost, I hired a lawyer because I simply didn’t have the time or energy to do it all on my own. I had a full time, very demanding job and a 2-month old baby, and I just didn’t need one more thing on my plate. I wanted someone to walk me through everything and tell me what was next. And because my estranged husband never did anything, I knew the entire process would fall on me to figure out. The second reason I hired a lawyer was because I needed advice on what was expected for a custody plan, what they have seen in previous cases, and what was healthy for a 2-month old. Third, my ex was doing drugs like LSD and I was (still am) very concerned about my baby’s safety so I planned for a court battle. Finally, I hired a lawyer because I was divorcing an emotionally and verbally abusive guy. For abusive narcissists, you need to go into the divorce tough and possibly with a bulldog lawyer to avoid being walked over. I was trampled during my entire marriage and I decided I wasn’t going to be bullied during the divorce too. My lawyers helped me navigate the situation.
Divorce is a lot like a battle, or perhaps a war. Whether you decide to hire a lawyer to help fight or do it on your own, only you can decide what will be best for your situation. Please feel free to send me a message with any questions you have. I may not have the answer but I’m always happy to share my experience and perspective. Good luck!
