When I think about what happened in my marriage and why it took so long to see the light, I think of the line in Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises when Mike Campbell is asked how he went bankrupt: “Two ways,” he said. “Gradually and then suddenly”. That’s what happened with me. While they’re talking about money in the book, it reminds me of my situation as a broken woman. How could it possibly come to this point without me recognizing it? Well, it happened gradually and then suddenly. My ex started out slowly breaking me down, so slyly that I didn’t notice it in the beginning. Gradually over time, he had me so defeated that I didn’t even recognize myself. I used to be fun and perky and now, I look at myself in pictures and I look sad. Then suddenly, it hit me. After my baby was born, I realized I’m lonely, sad, and verbally abused daily. Why? Why would I stay in this? I do all of the laundry, all of the cooking, all of the grocery shopping, take the trash out, make more money, and now I do everything to raise our baby. Why do I need him? And to be honest, maybe if he looked like Chris Hemsworth, I would’ve stuck it out longer ? But let’s call a spade a spade, I didn’t marry him for looks. I married him because I thought he was a good person. So, without the kind heart that I thought he had, AND without the willingness to want to provide for his family AND without Chris Hemsworth looks, I found myself wondering… Why I am willing to be taken for granted and verbally and emotionally abused daily? I’m not. Not anymore. I left and I’ve never felt more like myself. My baby is thriving and I’m slowly healing the emotional wounds he’s inflicted upon me.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, don’t waste another minute unhappy. It doesn’t matter if it all happened gradually or suddenly. It may be weird timing, maybe you just had a baby and it feels like you should be this happy little family. It felt surreal when I left. I said, “What am I doing? I have a 2 month old and I just left my husband!” And you know what, my divorce attorney said “that says nothing about you and everything about him”. I’ve never felt more understood than I did in that moment. Think about yourself and your girlfriends…us ladies really take a lot before we walk away from a relationship. My mom always says “you almost can’t beat a woman off.” She’s right, because we would do anything to keep our life and relationship, as we know it, intact. Stay strong ladies and do what’s best for you.
