One of the biggest dating mistakes I think you can make is tie yourself up with potential. I did this. As a matter of fact, I married and had a baby with potential and it is my biggest regret. Obviously I’m so grateful to have my sweet baby, but I had her with the wrong person. Her father and I met in graduate school. Awww sounds like a sweet story, right? I’ve always been ambitious and I worked so hard to get where I am so I figured anyone else in the same graduate program would also be hard-working and successful one day. So, I married him before we finished graduate school on the assumption we were both motivated and on the same path. By the time he finally graduated, I realized I married a boy who refused to work for a living. You know the type…the forever student. He was 30 years old and had never had a job. But the real disappointment was that he didn’t want one. He said he shouldn’t have to work a 9 to 5. Who here just loves to work? Show of hands please ?
The problem was that I married potential and it was too late before I realized he would never mature. I thought he would become a good man, a good husband and father who would want to provide. The bottom line is that he had all of the tools (even an advanced degree) to provide, but lacked the desire. He wanted to be taken care of and I’ve never been attracted to that type. I need someone with fire and motivation. Unfortunately, I rushed into a marriage with the polar opposite of what I wanted/needed because I didn’t take the time to really get to know him. There is a limited time that someone can pretend to be something they’re not, so really make sure you know a person before committing to forever.
Learn from my mistakes, because the warning signs were all there. His father said about 6000 times that he’s the laziest boy ever born. Key words: “lazy” and “boy”. Even his graduate school advisor said he was lazy. Everyone was telling me what I needed to hear, but I refused to listen. In my defense, his dad rambles nonstop so I never really listened. But I should’ve listened to his advisor. If you’re in a relationship, or even just starting to date someone, look at their past for what you can expect from them in the future. What does their track record tell you? Ask yourself if they are exactly how you want them. Or do they have the potential to be the person for you? If they still are at the potential stage, take your time and see what they will do before committing to marriage. And really listen to their friends and family. Even if they take little jabs in a casual way. It may be a joke, but there’s truth in what they are saying so take note. Determine if what they are saying is likely to be a source of strain for you in your relationship.
