I think one of the toughest things about ending a relationship is the vulnerability that ensues afterward. You’ve likely shared intimate moments or private thoughts with your partner and now it feels like that person is out there with stolen property. This can be true when you end a marriage, or a long-term relationship or even a really intense short-term relationship. One minute you feel like you can share anything with them and the next, you’re angry they know you so well. I’ve been there with previous exes. Though I don’t feel this way with my ex-husband. I guess that’s the bright side to having dated or married a narcissist.
As silly as it sounds, I feel like he has nothing from me. Not a single piece of my vulnerable, intimate side. He has no idea who I am or what my life has been like. There are several big key moments in my life that most guys I’ve been on a couple of dates with would know. My ex-husband wouldn’t. Why? He never asked or cared to get to know me. Looking back, I am surprised that I never realized it. I think I assumed we were both so busy so I made up excuses for his lack of effort or interest.
It started to dawn on me in the last year or so of marriage that he was selfish. I mentioned on several occasions that he should be a bit more thoughtful and empathetic towards others. He called his dad 5 to 10 times a day, but anytime I was around to hear the conversation, my ex would ramble on about himself the entire call, then say “hey I gotta go”, and hang up on his dad. I used to ask him “how’s your dad? What is he up to today?” He always looked puzzled that I asked and said, “Ummm I don’t know. Good I guess.” This is a pretty big hint that you’re with a narcissist. If they have zero interest in the ones they should be closest with, they will likely have no desire to get to know you either.
If you’re in the unfortunate position right now where you’re realizing you’re with a narcissist, RUN! If you’ve ever been with a narcissist, consider yourself lucky to have escaped. Additionally, you also can rest a little easier knowing that no matter how long you were with them or how much you believe you share with them, they still don’t know you. They know nothing about you, except for their perception of you and that is meaningless!
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