Yin to My Yang

They say opposites attract. I couldn’t disagree more. I tried making it work with my opposite. In my defense, I had no idea he was polar opposite when I married him. He put on a good front. Right before I left him, he said several ridiculous things that still make my blood boil.

1. You wouldn’t like me if you really knew me
2. I had to pretend to be what I knew you wanted, otherwise, you would’ve never dated me
3. You have no idea what it’s like to be in my head. Ideas constantly coming in and I can’t make them stop

To top all of that crazy off, he also wanted to quit his job because of course he was smarter than everyone there, and shouldn’t have to work for a living. To really top it off, he said he was going to start doing acid because he believes that when people do acid, they have good ideas, win Nobel Prizes, and contribute to the world. I don’t know about y’all but I have plenty of good ideas clean and sober so did he really just admit to me that he was too stupid to have an idea without doing acid? Okay buddy. This all happened when I was anywhere from 7 months pregnant to 2 months postpartum, and all I could think was “oh my gosh he’s going mad right in front of my eyes.” I didn’t really know what was happening but he was becoming increasingly hostile and weird.

So what was happening? Well, I’m not sure I can even answer this now. At first, I thought he was having a nervous breakdown because he was apparently too immature to be a husband and for sure never going to be ready for a child. So when I had my baby, I thought he was just losing it from all of the pressure. But then the signs started pointing towards drugs. A month before I went into labor, he told me he was going to start doing acid so that was what I thought was happening. But the final straw was New Year’s Eve when I actually thought that my husband was a sociopath. Then I was worried for my safety and the safety of my little girl.

I’m not sure which of the above is the reason for his weirdness, but maybe a little bit of it all. I do know that the common denominator to it all is that we’re simply not compatible. Compatibility in a marriage is so important. Furthermore, knowing who you are before you marry someone is critical. Unfortunately, I didn’t know who he was because he admittedly lied and deceived his way into my life. But I always knew I wanted someone like me. I need someone with similar values and morals. Someone who shares similar hobbies.

Life is already difficult, why would you want to add more challenges to your day-to-day? For instance, if opposites attract, does that mean that I would be in a happy marriage with someone who loves the beach, if I hate the beach? Would we make each other happy if he loves summer and summer sports but I love the winter and hate all sports? Would we have anything in common? Would we eventually drift apart and divorce? Likely so, which is perhaps why so many couples divorce later in life, 10 to 20 years after marriage. If we share different interests and hobbies, it seems pretty reasonable that I might start doing what I like to do with other people, while he’s doing what he likes to do with others. How can you sustain a healthy marriage this way? My thought…you can’t. Find your ideal partner. Find the one who you can be yourself with and who complements you. Someone with whom you share similar hobbies and interests. I think this is the true secret to a long happy marriage. I still have hope that I’ll find my man, someone who I am compatible with and who shares similar values and morals. ?