Another Blessing Someday

Sequel to “To My Future Love…I’m So Sorry”

I am the proud mommy to a sweet little girl. Like all moms, I would do absolutely anything for her and she can do no wrong. And because she’s so wonderful, I’d love another baby someday. The problem is…I’m single. Single and happy, but single. If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you’ve probably been able to piece together the horrible marriage I was lucky enough to escape. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t long for a good partner. Not necessarily a marriage, because well the last one was straight out of a Stephen King novel. But a great relationship with mutual respect, a best friend, and an equal partner in life. My concern is that my future love, if I’m lucky enough to meet him, will feel robbed of firsts. Maybe he would like to experience all of these big life moments together with his partner for the first time. First engagement, first wedding, first pregnancy, first baby, first home, etc. Well, I’m saving the first home for him ? But the good news is, I will be experiencing all of those things with someone I really love for the first time. And honestly, it’ll be the first time I will be experiencing most of those things too. For example, my pregnancy, I was all alone. I found out I was pregnant and he skipped off to a city 2000 miles away to do an unpaid internship. So there I was working full-time with the worst morning sickness I could have ever imagined, all alone. Because he couldn’t be a stand up husband and future father, my mom was sweet enough to fly in to help me for 6 weeks. She cooked meals, helped me clean, took care of my dog because I was too sick to take him outside. She put her life on hold to wait on me hand and foot because my husband couldn’t step up. Then he finally returned home, and no job prospects in sight. 

He ruined the special moments that new parents should be overjoyed about. When I was 20 weeks pregnant, I could feel my little girl starting to kick. She was kicking up a storm in there and I only got more excited with each kick I felt. It was so exciting that I wanted to share it with someone, but after the first time or two that she kicked, he was no longer amused. I couldn’t even get him to touch my belly to feel her. He was generally laser focused in some show on Netflix or a podcast.

He was around for the last few months of my pregnancy so plenty of time for him to make it up to me, right? Haha guess again! He made the last few months of pregnancy miserable. I am a scientist so I work in the lab on my feet all day, so my feet were swollen most of my pregnancy and it was uncomfortable on a good day and miserably painful on a bad day. I would mention to my husband that my feet hurt and he’d even comment that they were swollen so I would ask for a quick foot rub. He’d scoff and say “Ohhhhh I’m tired, can I do it tomorrow?” He never actually rubbed my feet or my back. Furthermore, my “morning” (all day) sickness lasted the entire pregnancy though it lessened a bit towards the end. There were days that I would be in so much pain and so nauseous that taking a bath after a long day at work was my the only relief so I always looked forward to it. When he returned from his internship, he would take baths every night (super weird, right???) knowing there wouldn’t be enough hot water left for me. So the last 3 months of my pregnancy, I didn’t get to take as many baths as I would have liked.

To top it all off, he ruined those first two months after we brought our sweet pea home from the hospital. He still expected me to do all of the cleaning and laundry after I had a baby. He’s never done his laundry so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised but I definitely expected more help after I had a baby and was trying to heal. 

Therefore, many of life’s big firsts were completely ruined. I was either experiencing those things all alone or he was there ruining them. So for me, I’m still hopeful to give my little girl a sibling someday. I hope to experience what should’ve been joyful life moments with someone wonderful. If you’re lucky enough to experience life with someone special and kind, count your blessings. Family is so important and picking that life partner is the biggest decision you’ll ever make. Don’t follow in my footsteps. Select wisely ?