Is It Time to File for Divorce?

When I left my husband, so many of my girlfriends were also ending relationships, filing for divorce, or booting out live-in boyfriends. This isn’t to say that this was a result of me leaving my husband, but sometimes, we feel comfort in having similar situations around us and it gives us courage to do what we really wanted to do. I believe that if a close friend called off an engagement when I was engaged, maybe I would have felt strong enough to do the same. Not to follow anyone, but to have the comfort in knowing that I too can take a stand. So I understand the power of community and support, especially for us ladies.

Divorcing my husband was the best decision for me and likely is a good option for many of my readers. But, please think long and hard about it before you take that step. I gave it such deep thought… how it would affect my little girl and my family. The thing is, my ex-husband was verbally and emotionally abusive, lazy, nasty at home (peeing all over the toilet and floor and expected me to sit in it), never helped around the house or with our baby, and didn’t care to provide financially for our family. Ultimately, there were zero good qualities so my decision was actually quite simple…I was trying to find a reason to stay ? But if your spouse is making a good living and allows you to be at home with your littles, maybe providing that life for you is worth staying and working on your marriage. If my ex-husband had just made enough money to hire a housekeeper, I wouldn’t have minded as much that I had to sit in his urine, see his nasty socks stuffed in my couch cushions or look at the pile of laundry he refused to help with. If he had been a kind person who didn’t constantly berate me and talk negatively about everyone, I wouldn’t have lost all respect for him and wondered if he had a heart.

Another thing to consider is if you are a stay-at-home mama. Maybe you don’t have a career right now. Will it be tough to survive on your own? Do you have a support system? Family, friends, etc?

Here’s a tough one…are you okay with being alone? Before you throw your marriage away, ask yourself this…if you never meet anyone else, will you be okay with being single? Because you have to truly accept this as a possibility for your future. My situation was so bad, that I would rather be single. Honestly, I loved being single. I love people so I really enjoyed dating and getting to know people and hearing their story and why they are the way they are. I’ve always dated fascinating, successful men. I still can’t believe I married the boring, immature man-child. I guess I decided to switch it up from all of those wonderful MEN I was dating and go for something polar opposite. Haha. But hindsight is always 20/20. So be very honest with yourself and make sure that before you take a leap, really be sure you’re content with raising your children on your own, which includes being alone when your significant other has the kid(s) during their parenting time.

I hope my situation is unique and that not many women or men are married to someone like my ex. But if you find yourself seeing similarities in my situation, ask yourself some tough questions and make a wise decision on whether or not you should leave. Be perceptive, emotionless, and patient and then go with your gut.